They Came, They Saw, They… Conquered?
When you think of the Lewis & Clark Expedition, you probably picture rugged explorers braving the wilderness, mapping unknown territories, and forging diplomatic relations with Indigenous tribes. What you probably don’t picture is an expedition full of young, virile men engaging in passionate encounters across the frontier, spreading both diplomacy and, well… something a little more infectious.
Yes, dear reader, the Corps of Discovery wasn’t just about charting rivers—it was also about, shall we say, making waves in the bedroom.
Packing for the Journey… and Pleasure?
Meriwether Lewis and William Clark made sure their expedition was well-stocked with essentials: weapons, food, scientific instruments, and a generous supply of… penis syringes. That’s right—alongside their navigation tools and survival gear, they carried four pewter syringes specifically for treating sexually transmitted infections. This should give you an idea of just how much "diplomatic engagement" was happening on the trail.
Mercury-based treatments were used to fight syphilis, though they did more harm than good. Symptoms of “successful” treatment included excessive salivation—because nothing says "cured" like drooling uncontrollably in the wilderness.
Sex as Spiritual Power on the Plains
Among some Indigenous tribes, sex wasn’t just a physical act—it was a means of transferring spiritual power. The Mandan and Hidatsa people, for example, believed that a young warrior could gain an elder’s strength by having his wife sleep with him. This cultural practice led to some, let’s say, very involved welcoming ceremonies for the Corps of Discovery.
Clark once recorded a Buffalo Calling Ceremony where one of his men was presented with four young women to, ahem, exchange energy with. York, Clark’s enslaved man, was particularly sought after, as many tribes believed he carried immense spiritual power due to his dark skin and towering presence. Some sources even suggest that York fathered children along the route.
The Pacific Northwest: Trading More Than Furs
As the Corps neared the Pacific, their reputation preceded them—not just as explorers but as sought-after lovers. The Chinook and Clatsop people had no moral objections to trading sex for goods, and soon, the expedition found itself in a, let’s say, high-demand market.
At Fort Clatsop, supplies were running low, and trade was essential for survival. But with their provisions dwindling, they started running out of goods to offer in exchange for, well, nighttime companionship. Eventually, Lewis and Clark had to lay down a rule: no more trading with what little they had left. But did that stop their men from diving headfirst into uncharted territory? Highly unlikely.
If you ever visit these historic sites today—Fort Clatsop, Cape Disappointment Lighthouse, or even the salt camp in Seaside—just imagine the men batter-dipping the corn dog with a lovely Tillamook lass between boiling seawater for salt. History has never been so… intimate.
A Legacy of Love, Lust, and a Few Thunderclappers
While Lewis’s story ended in tragedy, the expedition’s legacy lives on in the history books—and possibly in some unexpected family trees across the West. They may not have found a water route to the Pacific, but they certainly found plenty of opportunities to explore new lands.
Want to hear the full, unfiltered story? Listen to this week’s podcast episode and uncover all the dirty details. Listen now at rainydayrabbitholes.com
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